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Goodbye Doesn’t Mean Forever

February 3, 2014

She’s packed. Well, mostly. And ready to go. Mostly. I’m ready to go. Mostly.

It’s been a roller coaster these last few days. The last minute packing and movement has made the pets a little weird and Queenie’s dog, Domino, seems to know something is up. I think he knows. He’s been distancing himself from her more and more the last few days and, as hard as that is to see, I think it’s a good thing. When she doesn’t see him, she focuses on other things, almost in a “Out of Sight, Out of Mind” way. Not that she’s forgotten about him, but in a way she has. I think it might make things easier tomorrow. I hope, anyway.

The last few days have been bittersweet. Finding weird stuff in weird places (I keep finding Cheerios everywhere), laughing and being silly but getting sad, too. We’ve had to tell her a few times that she’s moving because she keeps forgetting and then the news is all new to her again. I think that’s the hardest part because it feels like I’m breaking her heart again and again. Yesterday, as I was packing her vanity she said “why are you putting all that away?” and I could just tell she didn’t know. I lost it. I just couldn’t tell her again so I punked out and ran into Peepettte’s room and begged her to do it. It was just as hard on her again. But this time, she hasn’t forgotten. I think this time it stuck. And I think she’s making her peace with it, finally. I think she’s realizing that while this is a permanent move for her, it’s not a final forever thing and that she WILL have a life away from us.

Some neighbors stopped by tonight to say goodbye which she really really needed. She was tired and stressed so they couldn’t visit as long as they liked but it was worth it for her to see them and for them to say “We’ll come visit!” and know that they mean it. This disease has really isolated her (and us) so it was just so great to see these two beautiful ladies. We both needed it.

It’s been a tiring day for all of us. The snow storm knocked us for a loop since both our morning and evening aides called off because of the weather. The agency, of course, couldn’t get a replacement so, once again…well, let’s just say they’ll be getting an invoice from me. I’m so not kidding about that. I went to work in the middle of a snowstorm then had to come home in the same snowstorm less than two hours later because they couldn’t get their crap together.

But finally, we are all packed. The last load of laundry is in the washing machine and Queenie is in bed, trying to get comfortable. I’m about to pick up my knitting and try to relax (my friend Sandie once said “how do people who don’t knit cope with stuff?” and I, thankfully, am not one of those people) even if it’s just a few stitches. Tomorrow…we ride!

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